


Let Us Do Our Damn Job.

by shrodingerslejion



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5089808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrodingerslejion/pseuds/shrodingerslejion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to St. Skia’s boarding school for aspiring young adults.<br/>This school carries more than a few dark secrets, and when a group of 12 new students join the school these secrets don't stay hidden in the dark.<br/>But the new students have a job to do.<br/>How will a bunch of dysfunctional 16 year old kids manage to work together?<br/>How will they manage to survive the truth?<br/>Will they do their job?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gambit-uh-oh-o'meter

Your name is John Egbert. You are the master of prank, your prankster's gambit is through the roof. The only person that dares challenge you is your DAD. The current headmaster of St. Skia’s boarding school for aspiring young adults, which you are currently attending.

Yeah, that was a shock to no one.

The cavernous corridors of the school have been your home since you were 13, three years ago.

It is currently the first day Christmas holidays, all the other students have gone, meaning it is the start of pranking season! You DAD had said something about a ceasefire for the day- but the last time he’d said that you ended up with a cream pie to the face.

So this time, it’s going to be you who makes the first move!

You grin in your odd bucktoothed way, this plan has to be your masterpiece! You try not to laugh attracting the attention of any of the teachers. Especially not your DAD or any of the few students (Dave, Rose and Jade) that were still in school.

You’ve been best bro’s with Dave since he first pestered you and now you attend the same secondary school! Jades different, she’s some sort of distant relative but that never stopped her from being like a sister to you. She moved to St. Skia’s with you after her granddad died. Finally there was Rose. The overall Goth look put most of the other kids off when she first moved to St. Skia’s but Jade recognized her as tentacleTherapist immediately. It was a bit of a shock to finally meet Rose after all the pester logs you’d shared together but so much better to have her in person rather than her purple text.

You turned into your DAD’s office snickering as you dropped the mound of shaving foam, string, tape, clown horns, confetti and netting on the floor.

You quickly shut the door and got to work.

Jade staying for Christmas was obvious as DAD wouldn’t let her go to her island alone; there’s never any snow on her island either so Jade says she doesn’t mind. Dave stays because he doesn’t want to fly all the way from the middle of nowhere in England to Texas and back for two weeks alone. Rose stays as she doesn’t want to spend the holiday watching bad movies with her mother passed out on the sofa. So you’ve all celebrated together for the past three years.

You hop over the last wire struggling not to trip and set it all off.

You manage not to cover yourself in foam and quickly exit the room making sure to close the door behind you for whoever enters the office first. The thought of your friends covered in foam is more than amusing, but you’re going to have to stop giggling to yourself before you see the others if it’s going to be a surprise.

Jogging to the library you get the last few chuckles out of your system before pushing open the heavy door with all your weight.

The large room was covered wall to wall with books. The center of the room was filled with large two sofas and arm chairs surrounding at least 20 tables to work at. A large fire place stood in the middle of the far wall which had a few pillows and arm chairs surrounding it.

In the chairs sat a tall boy in a broken record baseball-tee with long red sleeves that only made the bleach blond of his hair look even paler. The boys dark skin contrasted the snowy complexion of the birds nest atop his head. He sat with his long legs thrown over one of the arm-rest and his back resting against the other. He was the first to notice you, his shaded eyes throwing you a welcoming glance before he mumbled something to another of the chairs occupants.

The chair seemed to jump before another blond head appeared. A smirk twitched at the corners of a set of licorice lips. A lilac headband rested above the sleek locks that framed a sharp jawline you have become very familiar with. The sound of a note pad being dropped to the floor and a dick reference passing those black lips wakes the third party.

A girl with black locks curling past her shoulders groggily lifted her head off a pillow placed on the floor, her silhouette blocking the lit fire place. ‘John!’ she cried happily bounding over to you. ‘Hey Jade.’ You laugh in response; her enthusiasm is infectious to say the least.

Her hand grabs yours, perhaps only a few shades darker, as she pulls you towards the others. ‘Sup?’ Dave asks checking if you’re still fine- like you were at breakfast less than an hour ago..

‘How nice of you to join us John.’ Rose quipped, ‘You just missed Dave’s latest dream psychoanalysis. Would you like to know the doctors verdict?’

‘Rose still thinks I have an insatiable longing for dick.’ Dave stated bluntly, his Texan accent seeping through due to his mild annoyance. It took you years to notice this, as his poker face covers all appearance of any emotions.

Jade giggled before pulling you onto the floor in front of the fire. ‘Aww! And I slept through the whole thing.’ The buck toothed grin on the girls face earning a snicker from you.

‘Jade when aren’t you sleeping?’ You ask in awe of how someone with such a great understanding of quantum physics and deals with uranium as a hobby can be narcoleptic. She shoves you lightly yapping a disgruntled response that you don’t really catch as you’re too busy pushing yourself up off the floor.

‘Well let’s just all thank our baby savior that you get to keep your sweet sweet innocence candy-cane. ‘Cuz if ya’ll heard some of the shit going on in this maze of pure rap genius those stripes wouldn’t be red and white. Nah, we’d all be like shit- visiting hours are over, sorry Jade! Merry Christmas, here it’s time for your medicine-’

‘Dave I don’t believe anyone would trust you to prescribe a sanatorium patients medicine.’

‘Nah, that’s your gig Rose, I’d just be the hot nurse pushing the trolley with the little hat and great legs.’ He kicked a leg in the air running a hand along it “seductively” whilst biting down on his lip, reducing you and Jade into a fit of laughter; a bemused smile tugging at the edge of Rose’s lipstick caked lips.

‘On to more interesting news. Do you not think the arrival of new students during the holiday is quite- odd?’ Rose asked genuine confusion furrowing her brow.

‘Wait what?’ You ask completely oblivious to the situation.

‘John!’ Jade groaned ‘Your DAD was talking about it at breakfast this morning! Maybe if you hadn’t been dreaming about your silly prank war-’

‘JADE!’ You quickly interrupt ‘This is not merely a war! This is family tradition! Upon which rests thine honor!’ A snort escaped Dave before Rose continued.

‘A group of students should be arriving during the Christmas holidays to become accustomed to the school before the next term starts.’

‘But wouldn’t you want to spend Christmas with your family?’ Jade questioned her frown mirroring Roses.

‘Who cares, we aren’t spending it with ours.’ Dave pointed out, earning a nod from the group.

‘Speaking of which any idea what you’re getting this year?’ You ask the other three. Usually you’ll wake up in your dorm with a sack of highly ironic  ~~junk~~ gifts from Dave’s BRO, a bottle of something toxic from Rose’s MOM, a general heirloom from Jades GRAMPA (which were given exact times to be sent at in his will) and a small gift from DAD along with an amazing Christmas dinner …followed by cake.

Dave shrugged, ‘Who knows, BRO is one elusive bastard.’ You all nodded in agreement. From the strange gifts you had all received that was a well-known fact among your group.

~

A loud groaning sound echoed through the room. The sound of metal being pulled from its hinges.

All four for your heads jerked up in surprise before Dave flash-stepped to the source of the sound, the rest of you following him to the schools main entrance.

Dave stood his face blank as he held the lock that fastened the two huge doors that stood at the main entrance broken and bent in his hands.  
He turned to you before whispering ‘Holy shit dude that guy literally broke down the door.’

You looked past Dave to see a very tall guy place at least six cases on the floor next to the sectary’s office before hastily leaving again.

He didn’t even say a word…

That was soon made up for by the angry screaming that followed.  
‘HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK AND SEE IF IT WAS OPEN WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING NAME OF FUCK DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF KNOCKING YOU ABSOLUTE DOUCHE NOZZLE!’

The shouting seemed to get louder as the tall guy entered again carrying what looked like another six cases into the main entrance.

A low calm voice responded ‘I was carrying half the luggage, how do you propose I knock with my hands full?’  
For a minute you thought the guy was talking to himself before a short ginger guy walked in screeching.

‘USE YOUR FUCKING HEAD LITERALLY! YOU NEVER SEEM TO USE THE FUCKING THING SO WHY BOTHER PRESERVING YOUR COLANDER OF A THINK PAN!’

The tall guy stepped closer to his shouty companion before continuing to speak, and to your amazement the little guy didn’t batter an eyelid.

‘Do not expect me to correct you on your lood language-’

A small girl dashed through the door pouncing over the short boy onto the taller one. Who caught her with ease…  
‘Calm down Karkitty!’ She purred happily her strawberry blond hair strewn messily across her face as she adjusted her blue hat. ‘Equius would have broken the lock knocking any way.’ The girl grinned happily resting on the taller- Equius’ shoulders.

‘YOU’RE RIGHT! WHY IN THE EVER LOVING NAME OF FUCK DID I SEND YOU TO GET THE DOOR!’

You didn’t notice the other guy enter but- ‘Calm down Kar-bro, it’s not like this motherfucker here can’t fix it.’ The tall guy rested almost completely slumped on the smaller- Karkat. The boys shaggy black locks facing you, the entire group oblivious to you staring at the back of their heads.

‘GAMZEE GET THE FUCK OFF ME! WHAT THE SHIT IS YOUR PROBLEM. ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH RIGHT NOW? DID YOU ACTUALLY RIDE THAT STUPID FUCKING MOTORBIKE OF YOURS WHILST HIGH! I GIVE UP YOU GREAT PIECE OF SHIT.’

Gamzee chuckled before standing on his own. ‘Nah brother, Tav-bro all up and drove it whilst I sat on the motherfucking back.’  
A boy with a slightly grown out Mohawk walked in his movements slightly staggered before he came to stand by Gamzee. ‘I, uhh, I made sure to drive safely and, uhh, I didn’t see him smoke anything Karkat.’

Karkat growled turning to scowl at Gamzee, ‘WELL AT LEAST ONE OF YOU SHIT HEADS CAN ACTUALLY DRIVE LIKE A HUMAN BEING!’

‘Shut up Karkat!’ a new girl had entered her cherry red hair bouncing as she almost skipped along-side the taller girl who seemed worried that she would trip on the stairs. Her cackle echoed through the room as she tripped on the final step after refusing help.

‘HOLY FUCKING SHIT TEREZI AT LEAST LET KANAYA GUIDE YOU DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS WHEN YOU’RE IN A NEW PLACE!’ Karkat seemed to actually turn a shade of green as he rushed over to help her up. ‘WHERE THE EVER LOVING HELL IS YOUR CANE?’ He asked whilst searching her for any injuries.

‘I’m fine Karkat,’ she cackled happily ‘And I left it in the car calm down! We don’t want you to have a break down on the first day of the holidays!’

Kanaya disappeared only to return seconds later with a dragon headed cane.

‘WELL EXCUSE ME FOR THINKING THAT AT LEAST THE BLIND GIRL WOULD BOTHER TO USE HER CANE!’ Your eyes widened a little as you processed this information. You had no idea she was blind as her eyes were covered with read tinted glasses.

‘Karkat, Terezi’s previous point of you being too loud still stands. I could hear you from the driveway.’

‘FUCK, FINE –WELL WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE OTHERS?!’ Karkat sure did shout a lot… He started waving his arms about; at one point you began to wonder if he’d begin to fly through sheer rage power.

‘Ampora, Captor and Pixies are arguing again and Aradia is late as far as I am aware-’ As Kanaya spoke as curvy girl with short hair walked in.

‘I am here.’ She stated dully before walking over to join Equius and Nepeta.

‘Welcome, Aradia.’ Equius stated formally a light blush almost appearing on his cheeks. Kanaya continued,

‘And Vriska is in the middle of trying to get her lusus off the phone.’ As the words left her mouth a new girl swanned in through the door anger clearly expressed on her sharp features.

‘Ugggggggg! It’s like she has nothing to do all day now I’m gone. Not like I can’t blame her for missing me.’ A smirk seemed to crawl on to her lips before a small sigh escaped Kanaya’s lips. Grinning Vriska wrapped her arm around Kanaya’s waist pulling her closer as she whispered something into her ear, a bright blush appeared on Kanaya’s cheeks before she swiftly left the group again.

A laugh escaped Vriska as more yelling could be heard again.

This time it wasn’t Karkat.

‘You fuckin’ pig sol! You bust my lip you ass!’ A boy walked through the door dabbing a finger at his bleeding lip whilst another boy followed looking very happy with himself.

‘Don’t thart thit if you can’t finith it.’ He lisped in response.

‘Cod Sollux! Couldn’t you cuttle him up verbally instead of actin’ like anemones all the glubbing time!’ Another girl seemed to flicker between the two boys, checking to see if the first had lost a tooth and scold the other.

‘Fef I told you he’s not good enough for you.’ The boy groaned holding his lip.

‘Thut up ED, FF can decide who thhe liketh and already hath!’ Sollux growled at Eridan.

‘Clam Up both of you!’ Fefiri yelled turning to face Karkat.

‘WELL GREAT NOW WERE ALL HERE STOP ACTING LIKE SIX YEAR OLDS AND MAYBE WE COULD ACTUALLY FIND THE GOD DAMN-’ Your DAD walked around the corner.

First he noticed the fact that Dave was holding a broken lock twice the size of his head and secondly that Karkat was about to swear. ‘Ahem.’ He stopped the small boy mid rant.

‘Am I to understand that you are Mr. Vantas?’ he asked calmly.

‘ARE YOU MR. EGBERT?’ Karkat’s voice had changed now. It was serious, almost business-like.

‘Yes, I am the headmaster of this school.’ Your farther briskly replied.

Karkat briefly glanced over at you his eyes widening slightly, you guess he didn’t actually notice you guys.

‘YES. I’M KARKAT VANTAS THE LEADER OF THIS GROUP OF MORONS. WHERE DO WE SIGN IN?’ He asked grouchily, his mood seeming to have worsened over the last two seconds.

Your DAD nodded before walking the group away from the main hall.

‘This way to my office please.’ He gestured down the corridor the mass of the group leaving only Karkat and Kanaya to hesitate glancing at the four of you one last time before following the others.

Dave was the first to speak, ‘Holly shit. There all crazy.’

Rose nodded in agreement, ‘They do seem like an unlikely group of friends.’

Jade pouted looking at the others, ‘Don’t they seem kind of familiar to you lot? The shouty one reminds me of-

‘WHAT?!’ Karkat screeched before another more feminine scream echoed through the corridor.

‘Uh-Oh.’ Your three companions turned to face you, your skin paling and a hair standing on end. Maybe you should have stuck to a ceasefire.

You bolt down the hallway to your DAD’s office. One girl… Aradum? Was covered in foam and confetti as well as Equius and the cat girl. Everyone else seemed fine.. Except for the one with short hair, Kanaya, who was fussing over Aradum- Aradia in a foreign language almost sobbing over her outfit.

Then you heard the real screaming.

‘FOUR MONTHS! SHE WORKED ON THESE DAMN OUTFITS FOR FOUR DAMN MONTHS!’ Karkat screamed enraged. ‘WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?’ He hissed glaring directly at you.

Dave placed a hand on your shoulder whilst Rose stood next to you shaking her head. You heard a groan escape Jade’s lips.

Uh-Oh.


	2. There's foam in my hair.

You are still John Egbert and you are in so much trouble.

Uh-Oh.

You look down onto the pile of foam at their feet and see you DAD’s fedora resting on top of it. You try to stutter out an apology but really you have no idea what to say to the 12 strangers.

‘Uhh-’

Before you know what is going on a foam filled fedora is slopped onto you head, you DAD standing behind you.

You cringe at the feeling of foam sliding down your neck before your DAD invites the group to the dorm showers to clean up before continuing with the signing in process.  
You don’t actually know what the signing in process is but you’d guess it’s sorting out whether they’re going to be placed in the Prospit or Derse dorm and which classes they’re going to take.

You and Jade are in the Prospit dorm whilst Dave and Rose sleep in the Derse side dorm.

The group leaves the four of you standing outside the office to clean up… Although half of them really only had a splatter of foam on their shirt or shoes.  
Sighing you pluck the note off your DAD’s fedora and read your punishment.

Son,  
Well done on learning from your past mistake of trusting the enemy.  
Clean up the office before I get back.  
This was a very good prank,  
I’m proud of you Son.

Sometimes you wonder what’s going on in your DAD’s head, but if he didn’t want to punish you- well you’re not going to question it.

‘I’ll get the hoover.’ Dave stated

Jade jogged towards the janitors closet, ‘I’ve got the bucket!’

Rose smiled patting you on the back. ‘I’ll get the dustpan and broom.’

You have great friends. Chuckling you grab a bin-bag and start shoveling the waist from your prank into it. So even if it did go wrong, it was still pretty great.

~

You are now Karkat Vantas, and whatever fucking deity you pray to you are done with this incapable group of morons. You are responsible for 11 other idiots as well as the shitty decisions your past self has made, the travel arrangements being one of them.

You’d made sure everyone was sat separately on the plane to England so that no deaths would occur. Guess what?! The pain journey had gone fine. You were all tired from travel anyway. Not that you actually slept.

It was when it came to the cars that your past-self caused its usual idiotic bullshit.

Aradia had to go with Equius to avoid conflict with Sollux. Nepeta wasn’t leaving Equius’ side that’s for sure. And that left one spare space for Terezi to fill.

In the next car was you, Sollux because you were not about to go through this insufferable journey without your best friend. Fefiri so that she wouldn’t have to deal with her old bestfriend and Kanaya because erian is basically her worst driving companion possible.

The next three you had no say in. Gamzee’s a junkie, no questioning it, that includes adrenaline so he was on the first motorbike- but you didn’t trust him to drive so he was teamed up with his buddy Tavros. God you hope Tavros drove all the way to the damn school.

On the other two bikes were Eridan and Vriska who you’re fairly sure spent the entire trip trying to drive each other off the road.

And honestly, by the time you’d finished the seating plan you didn’t give a flying fuck. In fact if one of them was hospitalized it would probably make your life a damn sight easier.

But amazingly you all made it to St. Skia’s alive.

And the of course your past-self was dumb enough to send Equius to break down the damn door.

Yes what a great first impression.

Oh well your employer agreed to pay for collateral so that would be first on the list of expenses.

At least until Equius got bored and fixed it anyway. Seriously the 6’8 wall of muscle was not to be fucked with. Luckily Nepeta kept him calm though.  
As soon as you walked through your door you noticed your charge, the group of four teens the same age as you. They seemed to be too fucking dumb to do anything but stair though so you just continued as you would.

After everyone made it inside you just wanted to know what was going to happen next so naturally, you start asking where your damn employer actually is.

‘Ahem’

You turn around to see a tall blond man dressed in a sharp white suit, and a stupid hat.

‘Am I to understand that you are Mr. Vantas?’ he asked calmly. Ugh, you hate business pretenses but that was one of your specialties.

‘ARE YOU MR. EGBERT.’ You ask just wanting to locate the man who was paying you.

‘Yes, I am the headmaster of this school.’ Mr. Egbert briskly replied.

What? Why was he talking about the school? He knew damn well you went her for some mediocre lessons-  
They didn’t Know. You look at the man before you, your eyes widening with absolute disbelief. You look around the side of the man at the four students and then back to Mr. Egbert.

Well fine if you were going to play school boy you weren’t going to make it easy for the Headmaster.

‘YES. I’M KARKAT VANTAS THE LEADER OF THIS GROUP OF MORONS. WHERE DO WE SIGN IN?’ You could practically feel the storm cloud forming above your head. But you shut up and let the man lead you down the hallway to his office where you could talk without the four students overhearing, only briefly pausing to take one last look at the kids you would be spending the next few years of your life with.

‘SHIT.’ You hiss under your breath before Kanaya and you both began to walk away.

Once you made it to the office standing at the back you heard Aradia say something about the room being wired.

‘WHAT?!’ You cry knowing that the Headmaster had already half opened the door. Aradia jumped in front of the older man knocking his stupid hat off before a myriad of foam, paper scraps and clown horns showered down on the group.

A small cry escaped Kanaya’s jade painted lips as she saw the damage done to she suits she had sewn for everyone.

You hear footsteps pounding on the floor getting closer to you.

‘FOUR MONTHS! SHE WORKED ON THESE DAMN OUTFITS FOR FOUR DAMN MONTHS!’ You scream pointing at Kanaya as she fused over Aradia in your native tongue. ‘WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?’ You curse staring at the culprit.

Dave placed a hand on his shoulder whilst Rose stood next to him shaking her head. A groan escaped Jade’s lips and all you wanted to do was slap that kicked puppy look off that damn bucktoothed idiots face.

You were lead to a shower room with the others guys whilst the girls were sent to another one.  
You have foam in your hair! Fucking Egbert.


	3. Let's meet the trolls.

You are currently Rose Lalonde and you were more than a little surprised when after dinner you walked up to your dorm, the Dese side of course, and found it full of other young women your age.

You had not forgotten the new additions to the school, but they had been absent for the rest of the day.

They had not returned to John’s DAD’s… Mr. Egbert’s office either, which is odd considering that is where all the student files are kept.

Which you know because you broke into that office continually throughout your first year at St. Skia’s to read all the other students files for particular leverage in the physiological mind games you enjoy playing.

However that habit got old and you began to psychologically asses all your class mates instead. Which is indeed far more fun.

Back to the matter at hand, you are currently standing in a room full of strangers. Who most likely don’t like you after the incident earlier today.

You recognize all the faces and memorize who is sharing the large room with you.

Aradia; A well-built girl of about 5’7. Not tall enough to be intimidating but with a certain aura that flashed rage and danger. Her movements almost seemed, mechanical. Her body was skinny almost as if she was recovering from anorexia. Her hair, she seemed to be growing it out from a short bob of curls. The girl was tanned, possibly Native American? Her deep brown eyes, almost rust colored glaze over at the sight of you.

Nepeta; A petite girl of 5’2 maximum, perhaps you are being too generous with that measurement. She seemed quite chipper her jacket too big for her small frame but the olive green seemed to be a theme in her semi-smart outfit. Her shoulder length locks were strewn about her head in a black tangle as she moved almost comically exaggerate her movements. The girl seemed to still have a little way to grow but perhaps it was just her childish innocence that portrayed it. The girls dark skin and sharp features suggested she was definitely a decedent of eastern heritage, however her bright green eyes stood out, almost animal like.

Feferi; A tall girl of 5’10 at least. She was curvy, her thighs and chest both ample whilst her stomach barely bulged. Perhaps she was a swimmer that is a very good sport for the core muscles… Her long black curls flowed well past her waist, almost flickering against the backs of her knees. You noticed that her hair was braided and feathered in parts. Perhaps the girl is spanish, she certainly has the tan of someone who’s spent hours in the sun.

Not much chance of that in England.

Sighing you push the door open fully, there was no point in running the robot girl had already seen you. You walked into the room towards your bed trying to avoid any bitchy wrath from the girls.

You set yourself down on your lilac sheets before you felt the bed dip beside you.

‘Hi Rose!’ Nepeta beamed showing only good intentions.

‘Hello.’ You stated a little uncomfortable at her proxemics.

‘I’m Nepeta,’ She grinned happily, ‘That’s Aradia, she doesn’t talk much but she’s nice really!’ The olive girl pointed to the one robed in rust.

Aradia looked up at the two of you from the bed she was currently perched on. ‘Don’t worry Aradia I’m just in-purr-ducing us!’ the cat girl smiled.

‘Okay.’ The girl said before continuing to inspect the bed she was lightly bouncing on.

‘And then there’s Feferi! She likes fish puns.’ The girl stated her green eyes almost piercing your cool.

‘And what’s glubbing wrong with fish puns?’ Feferi asked a pout forming on her plump lips.

‘Mow-thing,’ Nepeta giggled ‘They’re purrfect purrincess.’ Feferi giggled before continuing to unpack and talk to Nepeta.

 

...They never asked your name. Did Mr. Egbert tell them?

~

You are now Dave strider and holy shit is that guy tall. He’s also pretty damn sweaty. You did not expect to be standing in a room filled with an exercise freak, a hipster douche or have a spare bed.. Weren’t there 6 guys? Hell, there’s still half an hour left until curfew so who cares?

You rack your splendiferous rap master brain for the other guys names…

Sir sweats-a-lot, AKA Equius; A tall guy with bulging muscles-no, seriously you walked in and this dude is doing push-ups, its 10:30pm, what the fuck- maybe he’s Native American? He has this weird ass tattoo on his shoulder blade. It could either be an arrow or a word? Fuck if you care. He has pretty long black hair with a dark blue streak in it but other than that the guy seemed almost military like, straight back and head held high. You almost expected him to start barking out orders at any second.

That was of course until he brushed past you in the door way, hopefully to shower, before you realized you were staring.

Not that they could tell with your sweet ass shades.

The hipster… Eridan; Average height 5’9/5’10 with the way his hair was gelled upward earlier adding a few inches, he’s pale as hell, seriously is he Irish? He’s not really ginger but that brown hair definitely has a copper tinge, what’s up with the little blond bit at the front- does the dude seriously go through all that effort just to die a couple of strands of hair. He’s dressed for winter though, with that long ass scarf your surprised that he’s not straight out of Roses weird wizard fanfictions. 

Deciding you’re tired as fuck and not ready to give a shit you walk over to your bed covered with the typical Derse-side purple moon insignia. You sit down considering if it’s safe to leave your shades out on the side or not when Equius walks in and decides to make conversation.

‘The prank your friend played today was extremely foolish.’ The tall guy states, and by the towel around his neck drying his hair you thank whoever the fuck that he took a shower.

You shrug, ‘That’s just Johns style, fairly harmless but a good laugh- although that was meant for his DAD and not you guys.’ You don’t want a fight but you are going to defend your best bro.

‘W-well it w-was a shitty ass prank. Kan spent ages on those clothes and they actually looked good but now-w they’re grease stained from the foam or some shit making her moodier than usual.’ The hipster has a stutter? Who shoved a sword up his ass?

‘Well he didn’t mean any harm and it wasn’t like he’d wired up a bomb, Jesus.’

So no, the shades will be hidden this evening –fuck.

~

You are now Jade Harley. You were asleep when the others came in, but Terezi soon woke you up for introductions, not that you needed them.

Terezi insisted on telling you everyone’s names and that she wanted you to play some sort of board games with her. You were still a bit groggy but you agreed anyway earning yourself a high-five and a cackle.

Any-who, you’re more awake now. You look at the graphs in your physics books but they no longer interest you. You decide to study the girls currently unpacking around you. You had offered to help them unpack but Kanaya had refused as you were ‘resting’ as she put it.

Kanaya, a pretty girl with a veil covering her hair. Her clothing was very modest with a long sleeved top and a skirt that barely showed her ankles, perhaps she’s Muslim? She’s very pretty with dark eyes and an angular face. She’s fairly tall maybe 5”7 with such a straight back you doubt she’s any smaller. Her movements are graceful and precise if you’re honest you’re a little jealous; she makes you look like a clumsy puppy.

Then there’s Vriska, the girls still taller then you, but not by much. Her hairs an extremely dark with an ombre effect leaving it a lighter shade of grey, you’re pretty sure it’s dyed. She has some weird glasses on, they kind of remind you of Dave’s, except one side seems to be prescription and the other blacked out… Does she just have one super sensitive eye? Eh, you don’t focus on the glasses for long, geese you have to remind yourself its rude to stare. The girls curvy but only around the waist and chest… You didn’t think body’s like that actually existed.

Terezi. You’re happy to report that the girl is smaller than you. Okay so by an inch or two but still shorter than you. Her short hair curls at the end, and her angular glasses just makes her jaw line more prominent. Despite being blind she's acclimatized very well to the room, you're kind of surprised that she actually knew exactly where you were- maybe you're a louder sleeper than you thought...

~

You are once again John Egbert, and wow the dorm is full.

After spending the day with the others in the library you wondered what had happened to the new students, you guess that they were unpacking. 

You walked into the dorm and found four sets of eyes on you. Before you could stop and say ' _hi_ ' or ' _sorry about earlier-_ ' Karkat had started a speech. 

'FUCK YOU EGBERT. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL MARYM CAN SALVAGE THOSE CLOTHES THANKS TO YOU WHAT KIND OF IDIOT THINKS TO PLAY SUCH A CHILDISH, SUPIDLY INFURIATING PRANK  WHEN THEY'RE GOING TO MEET NEW STUDENTS BUT NO YOU HAD A BRILLIANT LITTLE IDEA IN THAT TINY FUCKING BRAIN OF YOURS GIVING THE REST OF US A LITTLE SURPRISE DIDN'T YOU -YOU ABSOLUTE INVALID.'

You blinked a little overwhelmed.

'KK thut up and thart helping the retht of uth unpack.' Sollux hissed.

Now yelling about something different Karkat stormed over to Sollux's bed and began to untangle the mass of wires resting on it.

Still slightly stunned you walk back to your bed and began to watch the others.

Tavros; a short boy with a light brown Mohawk, the tan that comes from hours outside suited him, his eyes were bright as he laughed at something Gamzee said, the brown orbs seeming to glisten, his legs rested at the side of his bed- well you saw that his walking was a bit stiff but you had no idea he was an amputee, from the legs by the looks of it. He laughed again seeming generally well natured as Gamzee threw a deck of cards in the air saying something about Tavros being invinsible.

Karkat; couldn't be much over 5ft, a mess of red topped his head, his pale skin was almost ghost like, you're not sure if that's actually healthy... You cant tell if he has makeup smudged under his eyes or if he's actually that tired, he's wearing some baggy trousers and an over sized turtleneck that almost drowns the poor guy- its actually kind of funny.

The wires he's currently untangling belong to Sollux; what once may have been an unfortunate bowl cut has now curled at the edges, which by the amount of empty cans already filling the bin you guess is due to too much caffeine and energy drinks, the dark curls aren't the first thing to capture your attention though, he wears some sort of 3D glasses, although they actually look prescription, weird. His tan skin and average height make you think he's Hispanic.

Gamzee; A very tall guy, but he seems all skin and bones, his dark skin was outlined by a series of white scars jagged lines raked across his face, you hadn't noticed them earlier, perhaps he wore makeup? He's curled in on himself almost as if he's confined in an invisible space that's too small for him. He definitely seems high; his deep purple, almost black, eyes glassy and dazed.

Eventually you stopped watching them like a creeper and began reading you first edition practical joke book that your dad gave you on your 11th birthday.

Soon enough the other boys were done unpacking and you Finally managed to get some sleep.

It had been a long day and you had the feeling that it wasn't over yet.


	4. A series of Challenges.

After an awful nights sleep with a group of boys who seemingly want to kill you. Especially Karkat.

You, John Egbert, jog down the stairs and meet your friends in the dining hall. The room is considerably louder than usual, you guess the new kids made it down to the hall before you did.

As you enter the room you're a little surprised to see the 12 new kids sitting at the far back of the hall just about as far away from Dave, Jade and Rose as they could get. Okay, maybe you hadn't expected the best of mornings after yesterdays events but this seems a bit extreme. You're also surprised that all of the noise isn't coming from Karkat.

Vriska and Terezi are both yelling about something, you hear the word justice more than once. Gamzee and Tavros seem to be singing a theme song that's kind of familiar, your not sure if its Karkat or Sollux telling them to 'shut up'. Aradia is sitting next to Equius and the cat girl-Nepeta, actually Nepeta seemed to be sitting on Equius' shoulders more than the seat as she tried, unsuccessfully, to braid his hair.The hipster and Feferi were arguing as well.

Kanaya was sipping at a cup of tea.

 

Taking your seat by Dave, you realize that you haven't seen your friends this agitated in quite some time...

'Morning!' You smile, trying to lighten the mood.

'I'm glad you could join us John.' Rose states, her eye twitching slightly at the noise. You did not succeed in defusing the tension. 

No matter what Dave/ Rose says neither of them are a morning person, but even Jade's a little grumpy. You have clearly missed something.. 'What's up?'

The girls stewing in their anger don't answer so Dave decides to help you out.

'Vriska broke one of Jades photo frames in a fight with Terezi this morning, one of Rose's crystal balls of of voodoo is missing and somebody took all the dead shit on my shelves out of their jars, which if you ask sunshine here-' Dave gestured to Rose, 'was definitely one of our newest additions to the happy family.' He stated glancing over to the very loud table on the other side of the room. 'It's like the fucking Adams family out here, we've already had dear old Uncle Fester's explosion all we need now is a baby and we'll have Wednesday Adams running a dissection of the human body in the biology labs, man that would be a gory episode of 16 and pregnant, My bet is on tall, bitchy and dip dyed over their.' Dave's descriptions always got weird but they were pretty amusing to. You looked up to see how accurate Dave's depiction of Vriska was and that she was looking over at you as if you were her latest snack.

Snickering at Dave calling you Uncle Fester and a little uncomfortable at the current gaze resting upon you, you change the subject.

'So what? They're probably going to prank us back!' you beam at the prospect of a new pranking rival, you like to look for the best in people. 

The others glanced at each other before Jade spoke up. 'John, have you checked to see what they've taken from you?' Her question is filled with a mixture of bitterness and worry as she already knows your answer. You pale at the question.

You're gone.

 

You sprint out of the dining hall towards your dorm.

You're probably going to be sick if they've taken it. 

Panting, you scan your messy bed and shelving. Its not there.

Its gone!

Panicking you drop to your knees, throwing the golden covers off your bed. 

Your stomachs churning as you check under the bed. T-They can't have taken her- Your bright blue eyes spot the stuffed bunny, slumped between the bed and the wall. 

Sighing you lay on the floor the bunny toy resting on your chest as your heart rate slows. 

The others come to check on you a few minuted later but you can't quite manage words by then so you pass the bunny over to Rose so she knows its safe too. 

A short 'humm' of approval escapes her lips showing how relieved she actually is.

Just as you begin to recover Dave opens his mouth. 

'Dude, your mystical Prank Bibles gone.'

Rolling your eyes you sit up to look him in the shades. 'Dave that book weighs almost as much as me, no way its gone mis-' Jade interrupts you.

'John, your Joke books gone.'

 

Angry and still a little flustered from thinking they'd taken Casey -the bunny- you march back down to the dining hall; Dave and Rose at your side whilst Jade went to go and put locks on all of your things to keep them safe.

The hall seemed slightly quieter as you entered once again, then again it could just be drowned out by the blood pounding in your ears. You guess that they know why your mad.

Clenching your bucked teeth you stride to the end of the table expecting them to say something. You are not disappointed.

'THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?' Karkat growls scowling at you. 

'Give us our stuff back.' you state dully your eyes hard and narrowed.

'WHAT?' He asks his confusion twisting into annoyance. 

'I-' Karkat cuts you off.

'ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF STEALING YOUR SHIT?' He screeched hatred seeping into his voice.

Your bravery seemed to slip from your grasp, embarrassment taking its place as you regret your accusations. Thankfully you still had your friends with you.

Dave steps froward. 'Not specifically you Commander, but its a little suspicious that someone takes our things the day the twelve of you arrive.' He rests an arm on your shoulder as a sign of support.

Karkat flushes bright red at the term commander, seriously who introduces themselves as the leader of their friends? But before he could respond a sharp laugh came from the other end of the table. 

'FOR FUCKS SAKE VRISKA!' Karkat yelled, his head snapping towards the girl with the blue dip dye. 

She stood up approaching the three of you whilst Karkat preformed a double hand combo facepalm. 

'If you want your stuff back you'll have to complete a series of challenges' The blue bitch sneered as Jade entered the room but her eyes rested on you.

Karkat groaned, before growling 'This is not what we're her to do you stupid spider bit-' 

'Oh shut-up. I'm doing you a favor and you know it.' Vriska hissed. 

'Or we could just report you.' Rose stated bluntly having very little patience for the spider girl.

'You could.' Vriska agreed 'But Mr Egbert won't be able to do much with a bunch of ashes.' She shrugged looking Rose up and down- you're not sure that it was just assessing her as a threat either...

Quickly Vriska turned her attention to Jade. 'And don't get thinking that those silly little locks are going to do anything, I managed to sneak past your cool kid ninja in his sleep. Do you really think I can do it again?'

You all stop dumbfound. How did she know about the locks, or that Dave was freakishly good with a sword?

Jade opened her mouth confused 'How-?'

Kanaya spoke up to sooth Jades distress. 'Vriska took quite a long time to enjoy laughing at Dave's sword-kind strife-specibi last nigh, I'm quite surprised she didn't wake you.' She took another sip of tea as Terezi decided to jump into the conversation. 

'The locks were just an obvious next course of action.' She cackles jumping off her seat and using her cane to direct her towards you. 'So lets have the challenges!'

Her screech started to grate on your nerves. But Dave accepted the challenges before you could refuse, you had a bad feeling about this...


End file.
